Drukama RadioTM Episode 48 – Voices of DrukamaTM – My Journey: Elahiyah
This week Abi speaks to one of our Adept students Elahiyah about her previous spiritual experiences, health, psychedelics, and energy. She shares how she came to be on the Path, and her journey with Drukama so far.
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Episode 48 Extract
Voices of Drukama™ – My Journey: Elahiyah
“Psychedelics can give you these insights into your life, into spirituality, into the nature of reality, but they can’t actually get you there permanently. Back then I realized, “Oh, okay, you create your own happiness.” But there’s a big gap between knowing that you can create your own happiness and actually being able to do that… to actually enact those realizations, to actually really genuinely be able to be happy.”
Drukama Radio™ podcast extract – EP48
Full Transcript of This Episode
Abi: Hello and welcome to another episode of Drukama Voices on Drukama Radio. My name is Abi and I will be your host today, and I have Elahi who is joining me and who has graciously decided to share her spiritual story with us. Thank you so much for being here Elahi, welcome.
Elahi: Hi Abi. Thanks so much for having me. I’m really looking forward to talking to you today.
Abi: Yeah me too. So let’s jump right in and start with your childhood. Is there anything that jumps out at you as spiritual experience that you had as a child or did you have a particularly spiritual or religious upbringing at all?
Elahi: Well, my parents were both kind of agnostic. My grandmother on my dad’s side was Irish and there was a bit of a kind of Roman Catholic theme there. She used to go to church but it was never really a big thing for either me or my brother. But my parents are both very open-minded and we were never discouraged from exploring the things that we wanted to explore. In terms of spiritual experiences one thing that happened to me when I was a young child – maybe like five or six – is that I used to get night terrors and I would basically get stuck halfway between the dreaming world and the normal waking world and I would kind of be able to like see like an overlay of a different world on this world. Sometimes you know I would actually just be sitting there with my eyes open, my mum would be there. You know, I’d be screaming and my Mum would be trying to wake me up. My eyes would be open but you know, I just didn’t have that awareness of her. I was kind of half somewhere else. That was probably one of my earliest spiritual experiences.
Abi: Very interesting, and how long did that go on for ?
Elahi: It probably went on for maybe three or four years. I mean it used to happen if I was sick or had some kind of, I don’t know, just something going on, it would happen more regularly. I remember one time I had been out in the sun all day and I got a little sunstroke, and I was staying at my grandparents’ house. I kind of woke up in the middle of the night and it was just like there was this other reality layered on top of normal reality. I could see my grandfather he was, you know, trying to comfort me and look after me, but to me he just looked like a vampire, like he had all of this stuff all over him, and I could just see all of this weird stuff in the room. It still looked like the room but it was, you know, just overlaid with this whole other thing, and eventually it stopped happening. I guess as I got older I kind of grew out of it.
Abi: Sounds like those could be very terrifying experiences. Did you at some points you know try to push that away or were you kind of open to things being a little bit more fluid and not what you would expect.
Elahi: Yeah, you know a child at that age, it was pretty scary. I think actually as I have got a little older and I started to have some dream experiences through my spiritual practice more recently, that still has an effect on me like I’ve still- you know sometimes if I have like a lucid dream, I would still get this kind of fear reaction which comes into play.
Abi: Yeah, so after that kind of subsided, what happened next ? Anything else in your childhood that you can think of or maybe teenage years that kind of spurred you on your spiritual path?
Elahi: Well, although I wasn’t heavily involved in any particular religion or spiritual tradition there was always a little pull there for me. I loved singing and I went and just sang in my local church choir just for the fun of it, just because I enjoyed singing. I remember kind of being in the church services and looking at everyone and thinking, “Wow it must be actually really nice to have that kind of belief in some higher power, something beyond the world that we see here.” But I never could bring myself to have that kind of blind faith in something but I always felt like a real pull to the church. I was kind of interested in astrology in my teenage years, and when I was around 14 or 15 I had a kind of interest in paganism and Wicca. I remember getting into trouble at school one day because I had this book on witchcraft. I took it into school and there was a girl there who I didn’t really get on with, and she saw that I had this book and was trying to make out like I was trying to put spells on people and curse people and I actually got dragged into the principal’s office to explain myself at one point. Apart from that I didn’t have any other kind of really heavy spiritual experiences until I got into adulthood really.
Abi: Okay and with the Wicca experience, was that just something you were kind of dabbling in, you know, reading books here and there? Or did you find a group and kind of a community as a teenager, or not so much?
Elahi: Not so much Really. I can’t even remember where I got them from but I had a couple of books and you know I was interested in it and I remember doing a little bit of research online about it and I was just kind of interested to see this other side of what has in the past been seen as quite a dark thing, you know, like witchcraft and all that. It was a passing interest.
Abi: Yeah kind of exploring some new things.
Elahi: Yeah exactly.
Abi: So that took you through your teenage years and then what happened as a young adult? Were there any challenges that you faced or anything that seemed kind of a turning point for you that really thrust you into the spiritual path?
Elahi: As I kind of grew up and got into my late teens and early 20s I actually found life a little bit difficult. I mean it would actually turn out that there were reasons for that which I wouldn’t discover until later on in life, but I had a lot of trouble dealing with my emotions, you know, my mental states. Everything was very volatile. I had some, you know, volatile relationships and I just never had the ability to rise above my emotions and just let things go. I would just get so caught up in everything. I found myself always either trying to escape from these really heavy emotions or trying to just like seek things out constantly. I was a real thrill seeker always looking to find some excitement or get myself into trouble in one way or another.
When I got into my early 20s I got introduced to psychedelics and that was kind of a turning point for me and it really changed my whole outlook on life and to start off with you know it wasn’t even having these huge spiritual revelations like you sometimes hear people have with psychedelics, like becoming one with the universe and that kind of stuff. It was just insights into myself and my own mental state. I remember maybe the second or third trip that I had on mushrooms, I just all of a sudden realized, “Wow the power to be happy actually lies within me. I don’t have to rely on the external world in order to be happy.” It was a huge revelation. Everything in my life changed. I got out of a bad relationship that I was in, I moved to a different town, like literally within a couple of weeks of this experience. And from that point on I started to become more interested in meditation and in spirituality in general.
Abi: That’s really beautiful. Was it a hard step? Because I know a lot of people that do psychedelics it almost becomes that’s the only way that they can experience something more outside themselves or something on more of a spiritual dimension. Was that difficult to say, you know, “I can also experience this away from psychedelics”? Or did that take some time to kind of unfold for you?
Elahi: Yeah I think so. You know, to start off with I was just like, “Wow psychedelics are amazing!” And I just wanted to trip all the time and just be able to access those higher states and access those insights. Around the same time, you know, I got interested in meditation and started to do a little research around spirituality, and gradually this idea kind of grew within me that perhaps these states that I was hitting could be achieved without the use of chemicals. It was a slow process and it’s you know only maybe within the last four or five years that I’ve really been able to get away from that and stand on my own two feet in that regard. And there was a little- well let’s just say there are a few rhythms that had to happen in order for that realization to take place.
Abi: So once you started meditating and finding the benefits of that what kept you going? Because I know it’s all so easy to kind of start something but not really know what you’re doing and it just becomes like a small pastime that ends up getting dropped. How do you feel like you were able to continue with it and make it a part of your life?
Elahi: One of the things that I’ve always struggled with is discipline and so it wasn’t easy at first and I think actually life decided that it had to kind of force me in that direction. When I was in my mid-20s I started having some health issues. I had to kind of radically overhaul a lot of things in my life. I had to start eating a severely restricted diet. I had to give up all the foods that I liked. I had to give up drinking alcohol. I had to give up smoking. I had to give up basically every crutch and it was a really kind of dark time in my life. I had a lot of emotional stuff coming up too which I think was down to the illness and it was at this point where I was like, “Okay, something has to give. I have to find a way to be happy without relying on these crutches in order to make me be happy.” And it was then really that I picked up a serious daily meditation practice and I would get up- I was working a long way at the time, but I would get up at 5:00-5:30am just so I could spend 15 or 20 minutes meditating. I just saw the effect that it had on my mind and my emotions for the whole day, so that really spurred me into it. At the time, you know, this health stuff was like the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life and I just thought life was over. I was this party girl who just loved going out and socializing, and having fun, and getting drunk and whatever else, and it was just kind of ripped away from me. It was terrible but actually looking back now it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the one thing that really pushed me towards the Path and being able to create my own happiness and mental states.
Abi: Wow, and where do you feel like you’re at now ? What changes have you seen in your life since being able to meditate so consistently on a daily basis over the past, you know, five years or so. How has that changed your illness, changed you mentally, emotionally. Do you feel like you are in more control?
Elahi: Oh yeah absolutely, without a doubt. Things that would normally really drag me down just everyday more and more just seemed to be losing their power. Whereas before, you know, something might happen I’d have a bad day or something might be going on in my life, and I would just get so drawn into it, and lost in it and you know, let it consume me. But now I can actually see the thought or the emotion as it starts to rise up within me. A lot of the time I’m able to see that straight away and just be like, “Okay this is just a thought, it’s just an emotion. Let it go. This too shall pass.” Everything is a lot more stable now. I just feel so much happier and more peace for sure.
Abi: That’s so wonderful. So, with all of this that you’ve been doing where did Drukama fit in kind of the timeline of all of this? How did you find that group and how long have you been with them?
Elahi: I think I found Drukama around five or six years ago, maybe a little longer. But, around the time that I got sick, I really started my spiritual search in earnest, and you know I was reading everything that I could get my hands on. I was looking into lots of different traditions and I found a lot of it confusing because I was looking at a lot of it from, you know, a very intellectual perspective and it was hard for me being quite an open-minded person, to actually judge what I believe to be true or what I thought was likely to be true. It got very confusing. I was always very interested in energy and I started doing things like chakra meditations and, you know, I could see the effect that they were having on me.
I remember going to see this energy healing lady, because I was having some weird stuff going on at the time. I had my health issues and I wanted a little bit of guidance, and she told me a few things that I didn’t really want to accept at the time – a few things about myself and my life and changes that I needed to make. For a while I just went into this complete denial phase where I was like, “No, none of this is true. Energy is not real. I don’t want to believe in this.” I just kind of buried my head in the sand, and around this time a friend invited me to join a group on Facebook. I didn’t read much into it at the time. I joined and I had a look around and he was like, “No, this is the real deal. You know you need to pay attention to this group.”
I just kind of let it sit there, and a few things changed in my life. I went to see another energy healer and she did some work with me and I really felt the impact and I was like, “Okay, well this clearly means that everything that I’ve been trying to deny for the last year is actually real.” I kind of went straight home and went on this Facebook group that my friend had sent me a link to, and I sent the person who was running this group a message. I needed some help I had some stuff going on and I just kind of asked for help and what I got back was this hugely compassionate reply saying, “Don’t worry, all of this is, you know, it’s to do with energy blockages. And don’t worry we’ve got a website opening within a few weeks. Come and join us try out some of the practices and see what you think.” I was just blown away by this message and I could just feel the compassion like radiating from it. It turned out that the person that I had contacted was Daishi who is the founding teacher of Drukama. I went and joined the website in its first iteration and I just kind of knew straight away that this was my spiritual home.
Abi: Nice. To close this out is there anything else that you wanted to share? Anything that you learned in particular from the challenges that you faced thus far? Or anything really inspirational that you wanted to share with our listeners?
Elahi: Well going back to, you know, my kind of experiences with psychedelics I think one of the most important things that Drukama has helped me to do is to actually enact the realization that I had from psychedelics. Psychedelics can kind of give you these insights into your life, into spirituality, into the nature of reality but they can’t actually get you there permanently. One of the best things about Drukama has been for me is that all of these insights that I had back then have now actually started to become real reality for me. Back then I realized, “Oh, okay, you create your own happiness.” But there’s a big gap between knowing that you can create your own happiness and actually being able to do that. Because there’s so many habitual tendencies and so much stuff, murky stuff to work through. So the teachings that Drukama have guided me to be able to actually enact those realizations to actually really genuinely be able to be happy, to genuinely get sustained insights into the nature of reality.
Another thing that’s had a really big impact on me is the energy work that we do at Drukama. As I said I’ve had you know some experiences of working with chakras and energy centers but really after joining Drukama that kind of exploded and I’ve been able to access really powerful inner energies which I thought I would never have access to, which I’d read about, but I never thought it would happen to me. And the same with things like dream lucidity. You know, since I’ve been doing these practices, my dream recall, my ability to become lucid within dreams, has just absolutely gone through the roof, which has been an amazing experience for me.
Going back to the energy thing, I’ve also had these experiences of just like overwhelming love and bliss and compassion, as well as making- the practices which make the mind clearer. I’ve just really been able to start to awaken a genuine sense of love for all beings. It’s impossible to put into words really. It’s been the most amazing journey.
Abi: Thank you that was really beautiful, and I want to thank you so much for being with us here today Elahi and sharing your story with all of us.
Elahi: Oh, thank you so much for having me Abi. It’s been an absolute pleasure, thank you.
Abi: Yeah. If you have any questions or comments about the show please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also find us on all the usual places on social media just search for Drukama teachings. The transcript of this show is also available on drukama.com. Thank you so much again Elahi for joining us today and I also want to thank all the listeners for being a part of this as well. Until next time blessings.
The personal messages, views and opinions of podcast participants are not necessarily those of the Drukama Mission™ and its affiliates, but rather are uniquely those of the participant. Health-related information contained on this podcast does not constitute the basis of professional medical advice and should not be treated as the basis for formulating health decisions without professional advice.