Drukama RadioTM Episode 35 – Voices of DrukamaTM – My Journey: Mariyah
This week Andrew speaks to one of our Adept students Mari about how she came to the spiritual path, her experiences with various different traditions, and what eventually led her to find her home at Drukama.
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Episode 35 Extract
Voices of Drukama™ – My Journey: Mariyah
“… as you build that foundation you come to realize that the answers to these questions are there. It is absolutely there and if I happen to believe in past lives and reincarnation which I kind of do, but I’ve never had any proof or real concrete experience that “oh yes I had a past life.” I mean even that gets answered.
So as I worked through the foundation, many things became apparent to me about these questions I was asking myself and every step of the way a realization unfolds, and it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and it’s just a beautiful experience working this way energetically rather than intellectually. That’s what I was seeking and that’s how I was led here.”
Drukama Radio™ podcast extract – EP35
Full Transcript of This Episode
Andrew: Hello and welcome back to Drukama Radio. I’m Andrew and I’m your host this week on what will be a new show alongside our scheduled outing with Daishi, in which we’ll be chatting to many of the adepts about the various traditions they’ve come from, their introduction to the path and perhaps obstacles they’ve had to overcome along the way before they found a home here at Drukama. And this week it’s my pleasure to be talking to Mari who’s been under Daishi’s wing for a few years now. Mari, first of all thanks for taking the plunge and getting the ball rolling with me. I’m really looking forward to hearing your perspective on a few things.
Mari: Thank you Andrew, thanks for inviting me.
Andrew: Well let’s start shall we?
Andrew: Why don’t you tell me a little bit about your childhood and little rundown on your general background.
Mari: I grew up in kind of a split family as far as a spiritual background goes and my father was atheist and my mother was searching. So I went through a lot of things as a child, a Catholic Church, Protestant, Baptist Church. My mother was really really searching and so when I turned about 12 or 13 she got into something that was called the Metaphysical Fellowship. It was a little grassroots type of spiritual fellowship in Grants Pass/Oregon and it was there that I was really opened up to more mystical aspects of the spiritual path. My mom became a minister in that church actually, and they taught about the underlying teachings of Jesus, not just literal dogma but what he meant spiritually speaking about the Kingdom of Heaven, and they taught a little bit about meditation. They would have meditations and they were very much into psychic abilities, so being able to give somebody a reading or help them along in their life, you know, in that respect.
Andrew: We would have something like that in UK I think and we would call that a spiritualist church.
Mari: Yeah, yes I think that describes it and so that really opened me up in my teenagehood, but then by the time I was about 16, I left home and I came out to California and started living on my own out here. Actually I was almost 16. I was just turning 16. I was 15 and when I came out to California I kind of went off of that path and just started living a normal life, you know as a young girl just wanting to get her life started – it turned sort of more toward the mundane. Then I ended up getting married and my husband was a Catholic and so he wasn’t overly religious but we kind of just went to Catholic Church and I kind of just stayed on the fringes of being in an organization. Although I was having a lot of experiences and what I now know as the astral, and always was on the fringe of questioning, you know, what am I doing here, what’s going on? After a few – well quite a few – years of marriage, probably about into my 15th year of my marriage, I started heavily questioning. I couldn’t keep it at bay any longer and I started seeking other spiritual paths, teachings and it was more along the mystical lines because the Catholic Church and other things just didn’t answer my questions.
Andrew: Tell me a little bit about those astral experiences, they must have been a little bit daunting for you at first, being your first experiences. What did you make of them?
Mari: Well they really were daunting actually, I spent a lot of time in my childhood extremely frightened and you know not wanting to sleep by myself because they were quite stark, and I did have abilities open to where I could see and hear things that weren’t there, right, so.
Andrew: Do you remember your first one Mari? Do you remember your first experience.
Mari: I do actually. I was probably about three or four years old and I remember being out in my house walking around and then waking up in my body and it was so stark because I questioned why am I here in bed, when I was just in the hallway? And so that was mild but as I got a little older they turned a bit frightening to where I would be out in the astral thinking that I’m actually in my body. One time I was in my kitchen and I was looking out the kitchen window, I was probably about eight or nine years old and you know these scary heads start floating up into the kitchen window and just scared me back in my body. And another time I was sleeping on my back and I woke up because I felt somebody was standing there and I saw somebody standing directly over me and looking at me, and so of course I started screaming and woke up in my body and my mom came running and you know just tried to comfort me, saying it was all a dream, but it actually wasn’t a dream. I had many many experiences like this where I was scared back into my body and was just told “you’re just having bad dreams” and eventually that kind of shut down.
Andrew: What do you think was the defining quality between a nightmare and what you experienced?
Mari: I was actually conscious and was able to control somewhat what was happening. So it wasn’t like things were happening to me but I was conscious and able to move around and touch things and it wasn’t a theory type of scary where you’re imagining monsters coming after you. You know it was very different, yeah.
Andrew: Yeah it’s fascinating, I could talk about that all day. But let’s move on then to…we talked a little bit about your spiritual or religious background haven’t we? But say a little bit more about that as you got a little bit older perhaps?
Mari: Yes so like in this 15th year of marriage that I was having, I started questioning a lot and I can tell you the questions I was asking myself with very deep questions and I really meant it when I said “what am I doing here? What is this all about? Why am I worrying about a car payment or insurance or how much money I have in the bank? Why is that taking precedence over questioning what happens after this life ends. This very short life ends. I could be killed tomorrow or I could live until I’m 90 years old. But none of that matters in terms of what comes next.” So I needed to seek out a spiritual path. I didn’t realize it at the time that that’s what I was doing, but that’s exactly what I was doing and I started with getting into yoga that goes beyond just yoga. It had a spiritual path behind it and so I checked in to Sikh you know S-I-K-H not S-E-E-K and my husband went with me on that just a little bit, but kind of on the fringes because of his Catholic background.
When that really didn’t answer my questions or I needed more I actually found a Gnostic group that I really got in with, and that is when I decided that my spiritual path is what is important in life and not a career a house even a marriage, I hate to say but anything mundane. This took precedence in my life and it was during this time in the Gnostic group that my husband and I actually split up and this allowed me the freedom to actually just go 100% and dedicate my life to my spiritual path.
Andrew: So basically, you would say that that was your first awakening to the fact that there was a path and that you were on it, right? I mean I can kind of relate to that because I would say that I’ve been on the path since I was about 16 but I only recently when I met Daishi actually realized that “oh, I’m on the path. I’m on the spiritual path you know.” Until that point it was all about personal development and trying to make myself a decent human being.
Mari: Yes exactly. That exactly sums it up. So when I was in the Gnostic group it addressed the things that had seated in me in my teenage years with the metaphysical fellowship and so this particular group was heavily into astral projection and inner alchemy. So it took some soul-searching because I was very much into their teachings, but I eventually left that group because their particular path and their keys did not resonate with my inner path. So I went from that into a magical order, a Western mystery tradition it was called the Golden Dawn and that was a really great period in my path. I learned a lot about Kabbalah and things that are related to more ancient texts. I guess I don’t know if that exactly sums it up but it was just more along the lines of what I needed at that point after breaking from the Gnostic movement. In between the Gnostic and the Golden Dawn, I actually had a little bit of training with a Hindu priest. That was great, I got an introduction into Swami Sivananda, Vedanta and it was enough to make me realize I needed a teacher. When I was in the Golden Dawn, I also came to realize that actually through an astral experience and several dreams that, that was not the path that I was to follow, and there was pushing from the outside from various members of that particular order that made me realize that was not my home. That was not the place I needed to stay, and during that time in the Golden Dawn one of the brothers actually posted a link to Daishi’s group and the minute I heard him speak I knew that was my home. That was just such a soul connection with him and that’s how I found….It was just a beautiful path of learning and training that actually prepared me to be able to come to Daishi and into these teachings.
Andrew: Now I suspect a lot of the adepts will be able to relate to that. I certainly can. The spiritual tourism aspect, I mean you know, the exploring of other paths moving laterally across the mountain so to speak. I feel like all of that experience has kind of led me to base camp at Mount Everest now and I’m preparing for the final route to the summit if that makes any sense. But what, what is it about these teachings in particular that’s made the difference for you that’s…it’s captivated you, made you so certain or assured, for want of a better word?
Mari: For me what’s different about this path from all the other ones is that – how can I put this – it’s more structured in the sense that it’s an energetic training. I know through proof, through the fruit that this is truly energetic work that makes true changes, permanent changes. I know a hundred percent that this is where I need to be, this is the end of the line as far as my spiritual path goes. This is where I need to complete my work in this physical body and the work entails advanced energetic practices that prepares your next body for your life in the upper realms, out of cycling over and over in samsara and as you progress you build your strong foundation. And as you build that foundation you come to realize that the answers to these questions are there. It is absolutely there and if I happen to believe in past lives and reincarnation which I kind of do, but I’ve never had any proof or real concrete experience that “oh yes I had a past life.” I mean even that gets answered. So as I worked through the foundation, many things became apparent to me about these questions I was asking myself and every step of the way a realization unfolds, and it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and it’s just a beautiful experience working this way energetically rather than intellectually. That’s what I was seeking and that’s how I was led here.
Andrew: Just say a little bit more about that expression you use their energetic training. What does that mean exactly ?
Mari: Well what that means to me is when you’re learning in an intellectual mode you still have all these things eating at you. You have your mind stream and all these untamed thoughts that come into your head and it can be quite confusing if you’re not really grounded in a spiritual path. These types of things can be very confusing and can actually knock you off your path. I really feel like by training energetically, it really helps you to calm your mind stream first of all which is really important, and that was not available in the Golden Dawn, for sure at least not in the outer order. Maybe in their inner order it is but not to the point I got up to. And the Gnostic training was so focused on astral projection and they did have a practice to try and force away the mind but it really doesn’t work when it comes down to it, because you’re not working on the habit energies, the energetic pathways in a way that changes the energy, the way this does.
Andrew: Yeah. Would you say that you don’t use your intellect at all ? You said that you know it’s purely energetically. There must be an aspect of analysis for you in this process?
Mari: Well there definitely was at first. There was a lot of analysis, a lot of what’s happening, what am I doing, what does this mean? And we have teachings on the scriptures on Kabbalah on different aspects of all kinds of different traditions. So there is an intellectual aspect at first and there definitely was for me but personally on my path, as I go along that kind of starts to shed away, and while I’m not at a place where I could actually put it into words, an inner knowing starts to come up and inner intrinsic visceral learning starts to happen.
Andrew: Hmm…You know I can relate to that, it’s a little bit like riding a bike isn’t it ? You know, remember when you’re a kid and your father or your mother puts you on the bike and sort of pushes you off and intellectually you understand that if you pedal and you keep moving forward then the bike will stay stable but it’s not until that sort of moment happens where the penny drops will you actually get it. You get balanced. It’s not an intellectual learning, it just sort of happens right? It’s an intuitive, an immediate intuitive understanding. There seems to be lots of that going on here in this school. At least that’s my experience.
Mari: That’s a perfect analogy. Because how do you describe being able to stay upright on a bike? How do you describe being able to keep your balance on the bike? I mean you can say, “you move your legs and you pedal.” You can’t say you know “you tighten your abs, or you sit up right and you…” because that doesn’t describe keeping the bike upright. That energetic part of it is something that you learn intrinsically and viscerally.
Andrew: Yeah absolutely and of course it’s obviously the most efficient way to learn right? Because well, you never forget how to ride a bike or swim do you? But another aspect we invariably have to deal with on the path is the Sangha or the group or the congregation. You know, being amongst other like-minded people who are all undergoing their own corrections around us, and I imagine you’ve at least as much experience in that department as I have. But you know as contrived as it may sound, I’ve never been in a group as cohesive and as committed to the path and to each other as this one. I suspect you’ll agree with me on that.
Mari: This group is such a blessing, because I know that we have all walked this path in our own individual ways and we’ve all gone through so many different things in getting to this point as an Adept. This has been an incredible experience, a beautiful place of learning to be in a Sangha, in a group that has such love and devotion for each other, for the path, for the teacher. We’re given an absolute freedom to walk our path, to experience what we need to experience, and to clean out these energetic pathways. And in cleaning out these energetic pathways we make mistakes, byet we’re always in the loving arms of our brothers and sisters, and the forgiving arms of our brothers and sisters. You can come in to this school and have an absolutely supportive experience from so many different people who understand what you may be going through, and to have this not only consciously while we’re awake, but to have this underlying support that is a current. It’s more than an egregore. It’s a true current that keeps us bonded and in realization that our support transcends this physical world, that it is in the upper realms. It has given me strength in my spiritual path and an understanding that this is a temporary experience we’re having here and what’s important is to keep your eye on the upper goal.
Andrew: Yeah, yeah for sure. Well that 20 minutes went by a little faster than I was prepared for Mari we’ve run out of time unfortunately, so we’ll call it a day for now and if you’re up for it perhaps we could organize having you back on at some point in the near future to continue the conversation.
Mari: Oh sounds good. Thank you so much for inviting me as such a pleasure.
Andrew: Wonderful spending time with you thanks for being here. Now if you have any questions or comments about the show please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. That’s D-R-U K-A-M-A.com. And if you’ve heard anything today that’s piqued your curiosity please come and visit us at drukama.com where there’s a burgeoning community of spiritual seekers who are all at the various stages on the path and who are waiting to welcome you with open arms. In the meantime thank you all for listening and we hope to see you next time.