Drukama RadioTM Episode 40 – Voices of DrukamaTM – My Journey: Niels
This week Peter speaks to one of our Adept students Niels about his previous spiritual experiences, how he came to be on the path, and what led him to Drukama.
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Episode 40 Extract
Voices of Drukama™ – My Journey: Niels
“At the beginning of my spiritual quest I was just looking for certain powers, you know, certain things with which I could prove that the supernatural existed. And focusing on that didn’t get me anywhere, it just brought me irritation.
So, when I started moving into actual meditation and looking into my internal world and changing things there, I started to notice my mind actually try to move me away, like giving certain negative thoughts and trying to downplay everything I did.
One of the things that really helped me was keeping a journal because even when I was meditating six hours a day, it felt like I was never making any progress, until I looked in my journal.”
Drukama Radio™ podcast extract – EP40
Full Transcript of This Episode
Peter: Hello everyone, we are back with another episode of Drukama Radio. My name is Peter and I’ll be hosting today’s show as part of our Voices of Drukama series where we talk with some of our adepts about their spiritual background, what led them to the path, their experiences with different traditions and possible obstacles they had to face. And it’s my pleasure to be talking to a dear brother of mine. Niels, thank you for being here with us. How are you today?
Niels: Thank you for having me. I’m doing great, how are you?
Peter: Doing very well myself, thank you. Let’s get started then. Can you tell us a little bit about your childhood, the way you were raised and how that influenced you on your spiritual journey?
Niels: I was raised atheistic. There was no God inspiration or spirits actually, although in my childhood I did have some supernatural experiences with entities I could see but other people could not.
Peter: That sounds intriguing. How old were you when you had these visions?
Niels: Well the first entity I saw I was about four years old. I can still remember it pretty well. It was like a shadow with a cowboy hat on that was moving through the house. The funny thing was that my sister also saw the same spirit and could also hear children crying. I didn’t hear that but that was my initial experience with the supernatural.
Peter: It runs with the family then it seems. What about your parents? Were they atheist as well? Did they tell you what to believe in that instance, or how did that affect you, that relationship?
Niels: Yeah they told me that it wasn’t real and I shouldn’t listen to it. They also moved away from that house because we both had experiences there and my parents decided to move to a different house to get away from that. In my childhood they always told me that they don’t believe in it and things like God didn’t exist. They basically tried to move me away from that side. Later on, I learned that my mother also had a lot of spiritual experiences but was really afraid of it because of those experiences, so it was a safety measure that she took.
Peter: I did not have such visions myself but I imagine that they can be frightening for sure at times.
Niels: Well not for me, no, I was very young so it was the same as going up the stairs, right, it was just a shade that I was seeing and at some point I could also talk to it and it was just the same as talking to someone else because no one told me I should be scared with it, it was just an experience.
Peter: Right, I’m wondering, so when your parents told you that God does not exist and the things are not real, how did that affect you? Did you go along with that perspective of life, was it always in the back of your head? How did that shape you in that sense?
Niels: Well eventually I stopped seeing things and hearing things, probably because the way I was raised, but until I had the major event happening in my life I actually thought old experiences that I have, the old memories, were probably fake – you know, things that you imagine – until my father died actually when I was 16. That was the moment I also started seeing him in my dreams standing in front of a big light, like a tunnel and he was very happy. That was in the night that he died, and then after that I started seeing him moving around the room, and also hearing him. So, that’s also when I started to think about spirituality again, so I decided back then to start investigating if the supernatural was a thing that really existed or if I just was becoming a little bit crazy.
Peter: And how did that search went for you? So did you look for spiritual teachers or how did that search look like for you?
Niels: At first it was difficult, you know, it was the beginning of the internet. There wasn’t a lot of information available but eventually I found some IRC channels where people were talking about spirituality so there were witches and magicians and other people in there. I asked how I could basically conjure a spirit to see if it’s real, because I just wanted some factual information, something that proves to me that it existed. Eventually I talked to a guy that gave me an exercise I could do without doing any rituals or other fancy stuff. I could just sit down in a chair and do it and I tried that. I started in the evening at around 9 p.m. and by the time it was 3 a.m. nothing happened still but at that specific moment I got a little bit angry and I focused that into the exercise, and then I started experiencing things. One of the things that happened was that my chair moved more than a meter by a force and other things started to move around in the room. So for me there was the fact that there is more. I didn’t know what it was. It also made me a little bit scared but it gave me reason to investigate further.
Peter: From that point onward, how did it go? Did you have a teacher in your life at the time? Did you have someone you could talk to about this or were you basically all by yourself with that after getting some instructions on the web?
Niels: I was by myself and after that I started searching for spiritual groups. I couldn’t really find it except the wicca and things like that but that was a little bit too fluffy for me so I kept looking and eventually found something that’s called hermetic magic, the Western tradition right. So I started diving into that and I found some forums, and on the forums I started to meet people that could tutor me in driving that force a little bit more.
Peter: So at the time of your spiritual journey then, did you join any major spiritual groups?
Niels: Yeah, after my time in the forums I joined one spiritual school actually that focused more on the spiritual side of it, the energetic currents, instead of the outward things like the entities and conjuring things, because I also learned back then that it is important to be in control than just try and wing it. And I didn’t get out of that school what I wanted so I actually had the time that I didn’t do anything spiritually related after that school because I also meditated a lot. So basically in that time span that I didn’t have any schooling or did any meditation, a friend of mine, a Turkish friend, is also a part of Drukama contacted me and told me about Drukama school and it might be something for me as well. So that’s how I found out and started listening to the podcasts and after that joining the school.
Peter: After you joined the Drukama school and after you listen to the podcast, how is it different from your previous spiritual experiences and teachings?
Niels: Well, when I listen to the podcast I could really hear that there was a lot of knowledge and wisdom at Drukama, and you know a lot of schools out there claim to have the knowledge and the wisdom, right, but at Drukama, I just winged it. I just tried it again to see if this would be the place for me because I was looking for something very specific and the other schools that I have been in couldn’t provide me that, even though they claim to be able to give it. What I was looking for was the divine authority and it is something that Drukama calls the Holy Spirit, or Kundalini, or Chandali, or Tummo, and the podcast itself speaks about that a lot so that’s one of the main reasons why I joined.
Peter: That makes sense, and when you talk about this it reminds me of the first retreat that we had where I participated as well where I met you for the first time also. Do you feel you want to share a little bit about what you experienced at this retreat?
Niels: Well the retreat was only four days but in those four days a lot of amazing things happened. When I was at the retreat I was only a member of Drukama for a month or two months maybe, which one of the events would happen was something I’ve been looking for 15 years which was Kundalini awakening. So I had my Kundalini awakening on that retreat.
Peter: That’s amazing and it was a pleasure and an honor for me to be a witness of that happening, it was beautiful for sure. Let’s come to a topic that I’m sure many of us can relate to which are pitfalls and challenges when you’re on the path. As most of us or all of us know, the journey to liberation is not really like floating on the clouds towards the rainbow and everything is pretty perfect. Did you have to face any major obstacles or challenges that might even be still part of your life that you’re still dealing with?
Niels: Well yeah, at the beginning of my spiritual quest, the main pitfalls I had is I was just looking for certain powers, you know, certain things with which I could prove that the supernatural existed. And focusing on that didn’t bring me anywhere. It just brought me irritation, so when I started moving into actual meditation and looking in my internal world and changing things there, I started to notice how my mind actually tried to move me away like giving certain negative thoughts and tried to downplay everything that I did right. Which, one of the things that really helped me in that was keeping a journal so that I could look back and see that I was actually making progress, because whenever I looked in my own mind I wasn’t making any progress in two years time. Even when I was meditating six hours a day it felt like I was never making any progress until I looked in my journal.
One of the other challenges would be forcing yourself to sit so that the quantity is more important than the quality. I’ve had a lot of meditation but I wouldn’t say that the quality was good. I can reach now certain states of mind within 50 minutes of sitting while it used to be at least two hours of sitting. And that only had to do with a certain state of mind, an intention that you put towards the meditation before you sit down instead of just sitting down right after work and trying to get to that state. I would say that those are the main things that I came across, a lack of intention and the wrong focus.
Peter: That’s great to hear and I’m sure that many of us can relate to these challenges, but the way you observed how your will got stronger and how your meditations seem to be more inducive is really great to hear. On the other hand, we also are reminded all the time that it is the mind that judges the quality of a meditation and that the mind itself really has not the capacity or authority, I almost want to say, to make such a judgment or assessment.
Niels: I agree completely. It’s the perception that is incorrect. That’s why I talk about like a journal.
Peter: Right, yes. And as a last point for challenges in particular, I do know that you are a householder and I was just wondering if you feel like sharing with us how that is like for you, how that is working for you and how you manage to incorporate the practices into your daily life while also taking care of a family?
Niels: Yeah, it’s one of the big challenges that the person can have, right? It is working eight hours a day, driving two hours at least a day to work, so 10 hours are gone. Then you get home and you have a family to take care of. I also have a son, so the moment I get home, the first thing that happens is that my son wants to see me because he hasn’t seen me all day and I have to take time, right, to give my family also some time with me before I sit down and do any of my meditations. That does give some challenges in the sitting meditation time. There are days, even weeks sometimes, that I can’t sit down for the meditations but that’s also why waking meditation is very important. You can sit down for a meditation every day for six hours but if you get up and you just act like it doesn’t affect you further, so the intention comes into play again, then it won’t have that much effect, right, you have to keep at it the whole time.
So actually, when I’m at work or busy with my family, I’m also trying to meditate in a different fashion. I’m trying to correct my thoughts. The moment I have bad thoughts I’m going to try and correct them. The moment that I feel that I’m in a bad rhythm I’m going to try and transmute it to a good rhythm and I’ll always try to stay happy and outside the depression. And that seemed to work okay and it also affects the meditation, the sitting meditation, eventually because it is far easier to sit down when your mind is empty than when it is filled with all kinds of chores you need to do. Besides that, you also have the sleeping meditation of course. You can also do certain things in that, so yeah it does give some challenges but it also gives a lot in return because you can use those events and experiences to work through karma and things that are difficult for you to handle, right? Everybody has his own challenges and they play out in some fashion.
Peter: How did your life change and how did your spiritual journey at Drukama shape you up to this point where you are today?
Niels: That’s not actually a question you should ask me, right, you should ask my wife that. You know my perception is off, right, and it’s never correct. That’s why I use the journal, but I would say I am a lot happier in my life and I’m getting a lot more detached of things that used to be very important to me, and if I look to the energetic side I’m getting a pretty good boost on that side in all the practices, but before I didn’t have those. So yeah, I would say the overall practice is pretty profound.
Peter: That’s great, so getting rid of attachments or at least becoming aware of them is such a big part of our waking practice. Do you maybe have a specific example that you can share with us where you applied the practice and dealt with the situation in a more conscious and calm way?
Niels: Oh for sure. I’ve worked since I was 14 and by the time that I got 18, I got the car and it was very important for me because I was really dependent on my car for work and friend stuff, right. So whenever it broke down, I actually had a lot of difficulty dealing with that because I couldn’t move anymore. I really felt stuck in my own house and couldn’t go anywhere and I was afraid to lose my job. But now after doing all the practices and focusing on detaching to things, when my car breaks down now, it actually doesn’t affect me in that manner anymore. I do have the thoughts still, like, “Okay, I can’t go to work tomorrow if my car’s not fixed but it doesn’t change my emotional state. It doesn’t affect me anymore like it used to do. I still get my car fixed as soon as possible but if that takes a week, it takes a week. And it’s not that I would sit down in my house and be all up in the attic screaming that I don’t have a car for a week. Well, now I would just sit down and just wait.
Peter: Well it’s great that you are able to become more conscious of different challenges in your daily life and it really seems like you are of course still acting, but not so much reacting which is great to hear and truly inspiring. So Niels, unfortunately we are running out of time for today. Thank you so much for joining us and giving us a glimpse into your journey. As I said, it’s truly inspiring and we very much appreciate you being here with us.
Niels: Well, thank you again for having me. It was a pleasure to be on the show, and it was nice talking to you again.
Peter: It was nice talking to you brother, see you soon. If you can relate to Niels’ story and experiences or if today’s talk just got you interested in life’s bigger questions, consider visiting us at Drukama.com. That is D-R-U-K-A-M-A.com. You can sign up and get to know us a little better in the public forums, ask questions that you might not be able to ask anyone else and find valuable instruction material on how to enhance your spiritual practices, or getting them started in the first place. If you have any questions or comments about the show, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also find us in all the usual places on social media. Just search for Drukama Teachings. The transcript for this show is also available on Drukama.com. It was very nice to have you all with us today. Until next time, blessings!